Iron Maiden!

Rule #19

How you smell (or don’t) is important!

You cannot stink.  Smelling bad is a destroyer of relationships (unless you’ve been working out, playing sports, etc., it’s expected you perspire for those things).

My friends (a while back) were very helpful in this respect.  I had a magazine out (GQ), and they grabbed it, with the intent of smelling the cologne samples contained therein.  When, after smelling one, they all said “ohhhh!!” and fainted a little bit, I decided I should probably wear that one.

Now, I frequently get comments that I smell “yummy,” and could be “eaten up.”

Not having a smell may not hurt your chances with the opposite sex, but having the right smell will inevitably increase your attractiveness.

Rule #36

Learn how to iron!

You need to learn how to iron your clothes.  I’m sorry, I know you hate it;  but you don’t want to look like you just crawled out of the hamper!

Again, you can still get a girl if you are all wrinkly.  Your relationship can (and many do) still work.  But why risk it? why look like a slob?  If that girl of your dreams walks by, you want to be ready.  So set up the ironing board in front of the TV, turn on some sports, and wield that iron!!

Cardiac on Cotton

Recently I was asked by a female reader, “how do I NOT wear my heart on my sleeve?”  It is an interesting question.  Of course, it always hurts to take one of your internal organs and put it on your shirt, but it is doubtful she was asking about that.

To start with, let me say that ‘wearing your heart on your sleeve’ is not necessarily a bad thing.  It lets the guy know exactly where you stand — which can be good thing.   Of course, it can make guys disappear quickly, because if they know you like them and they don’t like you, they may run away.  It depends on the person — which is tough, of course, because every person (guy or girl) is different.  

As for myself, I think that there is a lot of fun in the ‘guessing game,’ and that it is a part of flirting.  You’re not sure if you like her, she’s not sure if she likes you, and so you both sort of make silly innuendos for a while and laugh (if it is working), and then, after a bit of time, you say something slightly sappy like, “hey…wanna be my girlfriend?” or “I like you,”  or you just skip it and do unmentionable things.  😉

But I digress.  Returning to the original question,  sometimes there is nothing you can do, because you may be wired with your heart on your sleeve.  You can try a few things to lessen the impact, however, and maybe these tips will help:

1. Try not to assume anything.  Don’t assume that another person likes you just because you like them.  Wait until you’ve heard specific words on the subject.

2. Try to use your brain (this is kind of tough when feelings and hotties are involved) to see if the person also likes you; i.e. how often do they call/text you?  how often do they want to ‘hang out’?  Are they flirting, or just being friendly?  Do they initiate things, or just politely respond to your advances?

3. Try to remember that even though you like someone, they may have a set of circumstances you know nothing about which affect your dating chances. Learn as much about them as you can.

4.  Do your best to not get your hopes up too high (this is kind of tough to do).  Disappointment is different (and not as bad) as heartbreak.

Hope that helps!

Rules #53 & #67

Rule #53

Don’t Kiss & Tell

Do not talk about your ex-girlfriends.  Do not talk about what happened in the bedroom the other night.  Do not talk about your past dating history.

If the person you are going out with asks you specific questions, don’t lie.   Lying, as we all know, gets people  into trouble.  Including you.  But use some tact for goodness sakes!!

Using tact includes NOT saying things to your friends about which base you may or may not have made it to.  It’s none of their business.  I’m not saying don’t talk to your friends, I’m just saying that the easiest way to keep a secret is to not tell anyone.   Remember; tact, silence, and smiles!!

Rule # 67

Don’t Hold Grudges

You will sabotage yourself if you hold a grudge.  If you have a problem with someone, you need to go talk to them about it.  Use your words.  Resolve it if you can (sometimes you can’t).  If you do resolve the issue, then let it go.  There is nothing worse than when someone brings up a mistake you made 6 months ago and tries to use it as a manipulation tool.  When it’s over, it’s over.

For example, there was one instance where my girlfriend (at the time) was flirting with a mutual friend of ours.  It bothered me.  So, a bit later, I just asked, “hey…do you like that guy?”

She laughed for about 20 minutes straight, then said, “no way!”

“Then why do you flirt with him?”

“I don’t know…I guess thats just how we get along.”

“ok…well it kind of makes me jealous and bothers me slightly.  Could you stop?”

“oh, sure.  sorry.”

“thanks! (smiles)”

Problem resolved.  Now, if I were the grudge-holding type, I could have continually brought up that episode whenever I wanted to guilt-trip her into doing something for me.  But that would just be horrible, awful, and lame.

If you want to have a good, healthy relationship, don’t hold a grudge!!

Those Pesky Questions

So, a friend of mine, on her blog, recently posed 21 questions to men.  As I am one, and she continually encouraged me to start this blog that no one reads, I will, here for your reading enjoyment, answer all 21 of her questions! You can see her original questions here:

http://melissabxoxo.blogspot.com/search/label/Memo%20To%20Men

1.Are you really a gentleman, or do you just say that because you think it’s what we want to hear?

First of all, I don’t say “I am a gentleman.”  I AM one, but not because of what I say, how I dress, or what cologne I wear.  Its all about conduct.  A truly sophisticated man understands that.

2.Situation: You and a girl randomly chat for some time…how long should she wait before asking you out if she feels a connection?

Dude, a girl can ask me out ANYTIME.  Its kind of an ego trip to be asked out by a girl.  Of course, whoever asks anything takes a chance that their request could be denied; so wait until you think your chances of acceptance are fairly high.

3.What’s with your sarcasm? Is it your default flirt mode or something?

I am never sarcastic. Every person is different; some use sarcasm to flirt, some have no idea what flirting is, and are still sarcastic.  Level of sarcasm is not typically a good indicator of interest.

4.What’s more important: a good career or a good relationship?

Well, I suppose I’ll have to say relationship.  But it would be incredibly nice to eat things other than Spam every now and again.

5.Will your mother always come first?

Uhhh, no.  I ain’t no momma’s boy.  I have an older brother for that.

6.What’s with the one-word texts and emails?

Hey. Women do that, too.  And it is just annoying.  If you will recall, Rule #89 is “Use Your Words.”

7.Why do you suddenly just disappear off the face of the Earth?

Typically, guys do that because they don’t like confrontation, and its too hard to tell a girl, “I’m just not that into you.”  Tears will ensue.  Its just easier to disappear.  I’m not condoning, I’m just sayin’.

8. Does saying, “I love you” really scare you? What about commitment?

Yup.  Its scary.  And I am afraid of commitment — afraid of committing to the wrong one and having to break someone’s heart.  No fun for anyone.

9.Would you honestly marry your video games if you could?

Prince of Persia, Gears of War, Goldeneye, Modern Warfare 2, Madden 10, NHL 10, Hot Shots Golf, and a few others, yes.  But really, we all just want a steady diet of bullets and explosions.  You don’t need to marry your video game console for that, silly!

10.Why do you cheat and leave such a sloppy trail of evidence behind you?

I don’t.  That is why I’m a guy dating consultant.

11.Why don’t you hear what we say the first time? Why does “I’m listening” really mean you’re not?

Now you’re just stereotyping!! What was the question again?

12.Is being a virgin really a deal-breaker for you?

No.  Depends on the person.  The answer to that depends entirely upon you.

13.How do you really feel right before you meet our parents?

We are all thinking, “Oh, Lord. What have I gotten myself into?”

14.How do you know you’re in love?

You don’t want guys to answer that. We try to use the ‘L’ word as little as possible.

15.What do you really think of assertive, take-charge women?

Well…that all depends on what they look like, doesn’t it? 😉

16.Do you really mentally undress women with your eyes? Are you mentally undressing me right now?

Sometimes, even the best of us fall prey to imagination when a hot girl walks in. We are warm-blooded, after all. And no.  Not without pictures, silly.

17.When was the last time you wore your heart on your sleeve?

The last time it got impaled and mounted on a palisade.

18.Can you please explain the older woman obsession some guys have? Is it really a Freudian thing?

Freud is weird. So no.  But people are weird…and so are those guys.

19.Are you really over your ex?

Probably not.  I try not to think about it.

20.How would you really feel if a girl wrote a song about you?

Well, I suppose that depends on whether it is a good or bad song, yes?

21.What’s one question you’d like to ask me?

I got nothin’.  Guys aren’t really big fans of tons of questions, in general.

Those pesky answers.

Dating Rules #11 and #22

Rule #11
Put your money where your mouth is.
Guys, if you like a girl, you need either to pay or offer to pay for the evening. Period. Ladies, if you like a guy and you’ve been on a few dates, (and you’re not going to dump him) offer to pay every now and then. I typically refuse to let girls pay (if I like them). But I love it when they ask. And if the ladies want to pay for their own, that is fine too.
If a guy does not offer to pay, it is usually safe to assume that he isn’t that into you. If a girl wants to pay her own way, guys, let her. Actually, guys, let her do whatever she wants. Don’t screw it up. But AT LEAST OFFER to pay. You are not trying to buy your date, or buy sex, or any of those ludicrous ideas. You are simply saying, “I like you,” and proving it by how you handle your money.

Rule #22
Always call with a plan.
Recently a girl friend of mine received a call (from a guy who supposedly likes her) where his only question was, “can I call you tomorrow to see when you’re free?”
Let this sink in.
Read it again….
Exactly. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.
He had her on the phone already…wouldn’t it make sense to just ask her when she was free? Yes. People are actually this silly.
Anyway, the point is, always call with a plan. Even if the plan is just to talk about the other person’s day. That counts, because you’re talking, building communication skills, and (hopefully) getting to know more about the other person’s likes and dislikes (so you can pull out that information when it really counts). Guys, unless it is too late to go do something, you always need to have a plan that puts the two of you together. Suggestions include movies, dinner, walks in the park, heck, you can even walk around Wal-mart and do some grocery shopping! I like asking girls if they would like to play with my Wii. Oddly enough, they like it!!! 🙂
It is ok if the girl wants to change the plan. Just make sure you have thought of something. Especially avoid this exchange:
“What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know, what do you want to do?”
“I don’t know…maybe…well….what do you want to do?”
NO, NO, NO! If all else fails, say, “I want to see you!!” That, at least, is the truth.

Dating Rules #32, #94, and #71.

Rules, in theory, make it easier to figure out what we should be doing in a given situation. Or, in the case of the following rules, they make it easier to figure out what went wrong in a given situation. These relationship rules usually work; but they are usually impossible to perform perfectly. Still, it doesn’t hurt to try.

Rule #32
When in doubt, smile and nod.
If you’re not sure what to say, don’t say anything!! I have found that many relationship problems come about because we (or the other person) say something stupid. Oddly enough, despite my own attempts to think over my words before speaking, I still don’t. I say dumb things because when I meet someone I think is cute, my brain (erroneously) tells me that I always have to be talking to engage a potential date. In reality, the time you spend listening is twice as important! That is why you have two ears and one mouth!

Rule #94
Don’t expect people to throw themselves at you because of your sexiness.
You are not Hugh Jackman or Jessica Alba. We all want people we find attractive to come to us, strike up a conversation, and ask us out. But people (in general) are oblivious to their surroundings; so even if you are glowing like an angel in the middle of the room, your crush can (and will) still miss you, even if they like you! There are some different protocols and preferences for each sex here, but please, if you like someone, try to engage them in some way, be it flirting, smiling, or a post on their social networking profile (just don’t be creepy).

Rule #71
Inside jokes are best kept inside.
The other day I was buying a gift certificate for my friend’s birthday. The rather cute hostess who was helping me asked which style I wanted for the certificate. I said, “I’m easy – but I don’t sleep around!” Now, I find this hilarious, because it is a quote from one of my friends. But the poor girl had no idea what I was talking about (because it was an inside joke and she doesn’t know me), and gave me a deer-in-headlights-can-I-go-now? look. Oh, night hostess at Hillside. I am sorry I put my amusement above my desire to go out with you. If only I would have followed rule #32.

Dating Rules #46, #7, and #89

Mind of a Man: Some Random Rules

Over the course of my dating life, I have compiled some rules for dating and relationships. They come in no particular order, but I feel they can help both men and women improve their success when it comes to dating relationships. Use them, laugh at them, and watch them prove themselves to be true.

Rule #46: Guys: do not look a girl over until you have made her laugh at least three times and she knows your name. You probably will look her over anyway, but at least TRY to follow this rule. If she catches you looking her over, you must make her laugh. Try smiling and saying, “you’ll do.”
Girls: guys like to be looked over. It is an ego-booster. No matter what you look like, an authentic smile while you look a guy over will always always be well-received. Just make sure you look at their eyes, too.

Rule #7: Both sexes: do not be creepy. If the person you are interested in ever thinks you are a creep, stalker, or weirdo, you have lost. I cannot stress this enough. Examples of being creepy include: mentioning marriage, kids, or meeting the family before you are boyfriend and girlfriend; posting comments on social networking sites about things you really know nothing about, and showing up randomly to meet the person without first using the telephone, unless they work at a Dairy Queen, in which case you’d better be buying a blizzard.

Rule #89: Use your words. Do not expect anyone to magically know why you are mad at them, what you want for dinner, or your taste in flowers. The person you like is NOT a mind-reader, even if their profession is magician. Talk. I know it is uncomfortable sometimes, but that is the best, most efficient way to communicate. And whatever you’re going to say, don’t do it via text message or IM. That is entirely too impersonal.

Those rules should keep you busy for now. Keep trying, and remember that past failures are no indication of future successes!!

Dating Rule #15

Dating Rules:

Rule #15
Do not date anyone you don’t find attractive.

When my sister was in High School, she had a bit of a crush on one of the football players. She had gym class (weight room/conditioning) with him, and for 6 or 8 weeks straight, she would come home and tell stories about how hot she thought this guy was.

Finally, he asked her out. She, of course, accepted. He came in the house, met our mom and me, and they left. As soon as the door closed, my mom turned to me and exclaimed, “did she ever look at that boy’s face!?” I about died laughing.

The point is (for whatever reason) she found him attractive, therefore she was going out with him. This is exactly what should happen. You should go out with someone because you find them attractive, not because of what other people may think.

Yes, you should date someone because you like their character. By all means, find someone that makes you laugh. For heaven’s sake, pick someone you think is sweet. But you also need to find them physically attractive (even if just a little bit).

One girl I knew was dating a guy who, on multiple occasions, she would describe as being “incredibly ugly” and like “the pizza monster from space.” When I, of course, asked why she was dating him, she said, “he’s nice enough, and he plays golf. He might even go pro eventually.”
“But you think he is ugly?” I asked.
“Yeah, but you never know. I might find him more attractive later. He might grow on me.”

NO, NO, NO, NO!!!
That just doesn’t make any sense at all.
You need to find someone (at least a little) attractive, cute, hot, or sexy TO YOU as far as physically attractiveness. If you don’t, you’re just asking for problems.

You can’t start a fire without a spark.

After this post, I was asked if physical attractiveness is based only on first impressions. my response was as follows:

First impressions usually DO carry a lot of weight — but all i meant by Rule #15 is that you need to be attracted to them (at least a little) before you start ‘dating.’ There are girls I did not find attractive at first who, after I got to know them, became attractive to me. And there are girls who become more unattractive the longer I know them.

I’m not saying that you have to hear music in the air when you meet someone — but you can’t be throwing up in your mouth at the sight of them (that is an exaggeration, but I think you know what I mean).

I have also dated someone who thought I was quite stuck-up (or something like that) from her first impression of me.

I think if you judge people based entirely upon one incident, impression, or meeting, you are doing yourself a disservice. Its like if you go to a restaurant once and the service is bad. you don’t know if they were short-handed, or got a new cook, or whatever.
Always try to give people the benefit of the doubt (exceptions apply, but for the sake of a quick wrap-up, i’ll end with that; lol!).